To you who’ve been following me on my journey, stalking me from the void, it is time for us to rest, disrobe and treat ourselves to a moon bath. There has been a notable shift in perception that is easing my struggle against a desire for distraction as an antidote to anxiety. I wish I had a formula, but it’ll be different for everyone. We all have the answers and only need to slow down in order to listen. “But this sounds like the same crap you’ve been spouting all along!” you say…and it is.
What has happened
Jellyfish sting
20 minutes under hot water (DO NOT PISS ON IT!)
One week later
Becoming lobster colour
Documented scarification
Centipede that tapped my knuckle to say “You’re it!”
As I sat on the téRAS
I never lie naked here
Stink bug versus finger
Periwinkles periwinkling
Pride of Barbados guarding entrance
African snail resistant gerbera daisies.
I never waltz with my invisible friend here
Covered téRAS
Sun téRAS
Five minutes away
Frangipani moth caterpillars feeding on (go figure) frangipani tree leaves while being aposematic.
Week at Airbnb Residence
A week away from my laptop at an Airbnb residence led me to challenge my beliefs about using online platforms to further my causes. What value has been manifest for all my posting? What has been my volume of sales for all the interactions on online market places and payments “to boost” publications? How much does my addiction these platforms work as stress reduction entertainment? Who do I consider to be my friends of those listed as friends on Facebook? (Bad example. I’ve rarely added strangers).
A real life face-to-face friend, recently said something that resonates with me about forming intentional community.
Forming Intentional Communities
I feel such relief when I think of having more organic interactions with like-minded people; relief when I settle into being grateful for and ok taking advantage of my circumstances, not feeling obligated to “hustle”, be frenetic and insecure in a scarcity mindset, living to earn a living and so endorse the misery people endure because it’s what’s done…because it loves company. I feel relief when I click on a link and am not made to wait while someone trying to sell me something says they know the interruption “can be irritating but…”; relief when I accept that people will adjust to my not being, all day long, two ticks away from an expected immediate response. I know that if I produce outcomes that, according to Dr Cal Newport in this TED Talk, are rare and valuable, people will find me.
Thankfully, this also means I know exactly what to do if I want to be left the fuck alone. Mostly requiring slower living, I am still more ok with the concept than the reality. At the Airbnb, I immediately created a routine of: beach in the mornings (and evenings); stretching; plant watering; lunch on the covered téRAS; longing for the footsteps of people passing on the road outside the shrub fence to belong to someone interesting who might start a conversation; siesta-ing and, in the last days, watching the Discovery channel (Port Protection Alaska where people fend for themselves against nature) before turning in and being kept awake by the unfamiliar sounds of the ceiling’s wooden beams settling. The opposite of slow living is an increasingly obvious madness. I used to look to people like TheCottageFairy for inspiration but now I look, increasingly, to myself. (The CottageFairy is still awesome though – I like her centred, peaceful vibe which I like to think is a direct result of her decision to live a slower life).
Let’s get back Together
The week away from my laptop was followed, naturally, by a return to it and my old habits – to cycling through the distractions: online movie streaming services, Facebook, porn and Youtube, all of which have grown increasingly unsatisfactory as forms of distraction. Consequently, I’ve decided to close my laptop again, strip naked and familiarise myself with my body. After measuring the girth of my muscles (WHAT DID YOU THINK I WAS GOING TO SAY?!), I will go outside to exercise. My other options are: lock picking and juggling practice, siesta-ing and sitting in the evenings near the feeders to watch the (horrifyingly territorial) hummingbirds beat the shit out of each other.
What has worked is intentionality, meeting the impulse to fall into my mindless binge watching/scrolling habit with the question: what do you want to look at and why? I often can’t find an answer because looking at anything I can find is really a tactic to avoid a feeling. What does the feeling demand? This requires a deeper dive to figure out.
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