You can become so focused on your challenges that it is difficult to see the worlds beyond them. Spending time editing journal entries about my life as an English teacher in Japan to post them here, has helped me disengage from Youtube and Facebook.
Fundamental Practice
I still struggle with embracing the life I’ve chosen for myself. This stems principally from the habit of not feeling I am enough, resulting from deep-rooted traumas. So I continue to keep these ideas in mind (having gotten noticeably better at two and three):
Regarding difficult, unavoidable people, remember you can’t change others. Change yourself since one of your main objectives is peace, and who you decide to be should not depend on others’ opinions of who you are. (I decided to write a seperate post about this as it has been an inextricable and perhaps the most impactful part of my journey).
Change takes time – “fake it until you make it” and don’t be hard on yourself when you fall into old ways; just don’t pitch a tent and form an intentional community there.
Be grateful for what you have, accepting that things never stay the same – embracing all your emotions (being authentically you) while training yourself to have a positive outlook lifts the general mood over time, strengthening the immune system.
I’m still easily triggered, perhaps because I allow myself to be caught off-guard by situations that are previsible. However, I am excited about the changes that will result in and from decreasing dependence on parental validation.
Money Making
One of my biggest challenges is to stop worrying about financial security. I worry when I don’t have, and when I have, I worry I won’t have. Between the Airbnb residence I manage and work with the non-profit, things have been fine. My basic needs are met and it is unlikely they won’t be, but even if they weren’t, see 3 above. The key continues to be knowing how much is enough for you, so well elaborated here.
Love
My commentary on COVID-related job loss
Living in Barbados as a sexual minority has been particularly challenging with the COVID restrictions. Intellectually, I understand it’s a numbers game when hoping to meet someone who shares the same illusions about life as I do. In the short term, I look forward to eventually travelling and being in safe spaces overseas where I won’t feel the need to edit who I am or be constantly guarded out of fear of micro-aggressions or verbal or physical attacks.
Sometimes I fantasise that this blog will act as a snapshot of who I have been, am and strive to be, and that the result will be a nice surprise (even nicer if you want us to live sustainably in one of these fantasy homes). However, I’m also resolved to pouring my love into living a fulfilling life even without being one of binary planets.
Otherwise
I still feel a need to reduce my activities further, to simplify.
A good summary of where I’m at
I believe intuitively we were born with what we need. That ultimately we are our own creators. That the self-help industry is another money making business prone to the evils of having this as its priority at the expense of humans seeking quick fixes to challenges seem complex, but that maybe require us to be more attuned to to ourselves, each other and nature. Taking a break from writing, which requires so much time and mental energy, I hope to integrate exercise into my routine again, since giving up capoeira. It is a routine which will also include a return to language learning.
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