Praises be to Rihanna for vacation time and something called ‘nenkyo’, a number of days per year you are allowed to take off, although it is tacitly frowned upon, similarly to taking paternity leave, because you should always be visibly at least appearing to be busy. I used mine to go to Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand. Madness. Especially…
Vietnam
About to play Frogger (フロッガー, Furoggā)
You don’t want to cross the road in Ho Chi Min City, hear! Hit the R button in Mario Kart and boost that jump OVER!* Cause everybody and the granmudduh got a motorcycle! And, apparently, the traffic lights are decorative! Red means ‘go ahead’!
While sitting at a bar, my friends and I became curious about men riding by, shaking this flattened-beer-stopper instrument (above). I had to approach one and ask a question. Prostitutes. It’s how pimps attract the attention of potential clients. The ensuing confusion surrounding my desire to buy what has been baptised “the whore stick” was understandable. The pimp left me on the street corner and came back with one I now shake at people judged to have questionable morals. (I’m shaking it at you Izzy).
Cambodia (Angkor Wat)
Cambodia was the poorest-looking, but more Cambodians spoke English than in the other two countries. So I’m implementing a plan to starve my students into learning.
Thailand
Thai food? I could live in that! LOVED, LOVED, LOVED the food in Thailand which probably means you would keel over in it if you ate it regularly, with all the coconut milk and hot pepper to choke your arteries while burning a hole in your stomach. I gained five pounds in a week (but, of course, I still look moreish).
And Bangkok…well…I wasn’t there long enough to find out.
However, I’m hoping to go to Australia at the end of August to break somebody’s back there. I miss flirting and, although I have come to find some Japanese guys (ones without shark teeth and cockatoo hair) attractive, most I meet resemble mochi – flavourless, irregardless of the colour it’s dyed. The attraction is really a mixture of their inaccessibility and my atomic desperation.
*I totally Googled this and have never played it once.
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